FPL GW 35: Rank Lovers in a Past Life
Duy’s Duzor (GW 35 / Last, Total 1,912 / Last)
Back to back bottom scores from Duy to go from hero to zero.
Now you may be wondering why I’ve put Duy at the top. Well, strap in folks, I recommend playing this YouTube video in the background while reading through the next section for the full experience.
We’re gonna write you a song tonight, my friends, we’re very excited
What the hell am I doing?
Sorry, I ran out to say hello, and then I got thrown, cause I thought I knew a guy in the front row, but I don’t! So everything is under control!
Hey champ, what’s your name?
Dan
Dan!
Hey, Dan!
Dan, have you ever met Keven before?
No
No?
Why don’t we do a little song, Duy?
Just relax, Dan!
There was a time
When life was simple
Two friends
Best friends
Two best friends playing hand in hand through badminton
When life was simple
Smashin’ cocks across the court
Winning every rally, thinking, bless this sport!
Cold water bottle on the wooden bench
Guzzle it up til you quench your thirst
There was a time
When life was simple
I was a boy
I was a girl
Two best friends running hand in hand
Through the green courts of Pro Fit Badminton
There was a time
There was a time
When life was simple
I start serve with a cool little flick
Rush the net and you cover my back
I call yours and you call mine
You gotta smash that cock and paint the line
Hey, Duy?
Hey, Keven?
I’m not sure about this
This is disturbing
How do you recall this, too?
I have no idea
I have a very vivid memory of you winning FPL
Just behind our Aunty Sandra’s 24/25
Oh my god
You know what this means
Yep!
We were
Rank lovers in a past life
Yah!
What are the chances
We were
Rank lovers in a past life
Danke!
I was beside you all night long
Then I moved away
You joined the Ballarat
You never came to visit
Oh yes, I did
Oh no, you didn’t
How could you forget?
The night that I was there
Late visit at your Macca’s
Together with our cars
We climbed the Fantasy Demons
You took me in your league
And we scored points that night
Which Macca’s?
Macca’s Wendouree
That wasn’t my Macca’s
I just figured out where I know that guy from!
We were
Rank lovers in a past life
Dan
Couldn’t get enough of
We were
Rank lovers in a past life
Ow!
One late night in the Ballarat
There was a time
There was a time
When I joined that guy there
Hey. Keven
Hey, Duy
Is this appropriate?
Because it’s making fun of family?
Do you think so?
I have no idea
Well, there’s a certain implication
Defensive contribution
Is more worthy of points
But they aren’t scoring (goals)!
That’s no excuse
It’s 2026
There was a time
When FPL was simple
Pick Salah
Pick Saka
Don’t pick
Danny Welbeck or your nose
They’re scoring
That’s because they’re goats
And it’s our job to educate
Avoid players that vegetate
The cheapest picks are there to score
Like, we could just say
Get Anderson
Too easy
We’ve gone too far
Tonight, we’re gonna pick up Shaw!
Yeah, no more blanking!
No more cards!
It’s a brand new day for us
There was a time
When we were better
A whole year of template moves
Now it’s time to entertain these folks
With good old fashioned family fun
They all said it can’t be done
But look at us now, and clap along
Come join us in our happy song
We’re happy
We’re clappy
I say, Duy
What’s that, chappy?
What’s up with your life at work?
I’ve got a people problem, you fuck
Bring that shit up in the newsletter
Sorry, I didn’t know that, I didn’t know that, I’m just really sorry
Jesus
There was a time
When we were
Rank lovers in a past life, baby, yeah
Danke!
Derek’s Cole Fired Power (GW 46 / 5th, Total 2,134 / 1st)
I don’t think a single thing went right for Derek this weekend.
Chelsea lost to a Forest side rotating for the Europa League, and Spurs also beat Villa for the same reason.
Palmer (0) missed a penalty against Forest, only the second miss in his career from twenty.
Derek at least has the 2025/26 FPL Manager of the Season secured as there is no chance we’re making a 127 point comeback with three gameweeks to go.
Keven’s The Assets (GW 61 / 2nd, Total 2,007 / 2nd)
I made a small surge to be equal with Sandra on points, but above her on the ladder 😎.
So nice of FPL to think I deserve to be on top (second is really the only thing we’re fighting for now).
In all seriousness, I believe it is because I’ve made fewer total transfers with 34 compared to Sandra’s 41. That’s a league high by Sandra, as everyone expected, though you might be surprised to find that Brian is second with 39. More active than we take him to be even though he captained and vice captained Man City players during a blank gameweek.
Anyways, I had 25 points on the bench this week, which still comes nowhere close to Duy’s legendary 43 points after wildcarding in GW 9. It was so good that none of us could even come close even when we bench boosted in GW 33 for the double gameweek. Sandra came the closest with 30 points.
Sandra’s SZ (GW 56 / 4th, Total 2,007 / 3rd)
Sandra and I both transferred out Palmer for MGW this gameweek and it was looking really silly when MGW started on the bench and Palmer got a penalty.
Then Palmer (0) missed the penalty, MGW (4) came off the bench for 20 minutes, snagged a cheeky assist and got wiped out by Sanchez. That 4 pointer by MGW this gameweek is only 2 points shy of Palmer’s 6 points since being wildcarded in by Derek and myself three gameweeks ago.
I have to admit, benching Virgil (1) for Hill (10) this week was a stroke of genius. Sandra has been nothing but consistent when it comes to having zero faith in Liverpool. Fan favourite Mavropanos (-1) scored an own goal, so we were lucky to avoid him. That doesn’t bode well for the Spurs relegation dream though.
Brian’s The Liabilities (GW 72 / 1st, Total 1,937 / 4th)
Mukiele (11)! The faithful shall be rewarded. 10 gameweeks of persistence and he comes in to help Brian obtain the top score of the week in the Baddy League. In the same vein, holding onto Rayan (8) has also been coming into fruition.
Dan’s A-Cunha Matata (GW 59 / 3rd, Total 1,916 / 5th) (Wildcard)
Patiently waiting until the last double gameweek, Dan wildcards in preparation for bench boosting GW 36. All eyes on Dan next gameweek with one last hurrah to win the weekly prize. He didn’t even get a single Cystal Palace asset, one of the only two teams to have two games.
Dan really has a blend of all our teams. Groß from Derek, Justin from me and Dewsbury Hall from Brian. That’s probably why we’re such a high quality league that let the leader storm away by over 100 points.
Bless up,
Keven
Tracker
Top weekly score: Derek’s Cole Fired Palmer with 122 points in GW 33.
Top weekly bench score: Duy’s Duzor with 43 points in GW 9.